Eeny-Meeny-Chili-Beany--Oh, God!

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Haven't had the 'ol crystal out in a while so, I thought I see what's kickin' in the spirit world. Let's light this candle and see who shows up. Eeny-Meeny-Chili-Beany the spirits are about to speak...."SNAP-CRACKLE-POP"!...Kelloggs? Is that somebody from Kelloggs?..."I am the GREAT I AM!"...Who?..."I am HE WHO IS!"...Oh. God!..."Not as dumb as you look, are you my child?"...Good Lord! Is it r-r-r-really y-y-y-you?...I-I-I didn't mean to bother you..."No bother. I was already in the neighborhood"...Really?..."Yeah, I've received so many petroleum prayers lately that I thought I'd check it out myself."...So what's the verdict?..."Well, I guess we won't be passing out any many halos at Exxon this year. Besides,  I've been hankering for a Double-Cheese and Biggie Fries from Wendy's."...Lucky You. I have heart disease and can't have fast food any more!..."HA-HA-HA-HA"!...It's not funny. It makes my feet swell!..."Your feet smell?...Swell, swell, not smell! Good Lord!..."Yes"....Do you mind if I ask a few questions? Some things really confuse me..."Go ahead my child. I put on my robe one arm at a time just like you."...OK. What's up with the platypus? It doesn't seem to quite know what it is!..."Spare parts."...Spare parts?..."The Universe came with some assembly required and the directions weren't real clear."...Yeah, I know what you mean. I think the manual to my cell phone is written in Babylonian Cuneiform. You don't speak Cuneiform, do you?..."Always use a burning bush myself. Never much cared for phones."...Oh, I see. Just thought I'd ask. "Any more questions?"...Sure, how about snakes-I mean, no limbs, no eyelids, nasty dispositions?... "IT WAS LATE SATURDAY NIGHT, OK!"...Ok, Ok. Wow, that seems to be a sore spot!..."JUST DROP IT!"...You b-b-bet..."I'm in kind of a hurry, anything else?"...Well, there is one thing. Will I go to heaven?..."EENY-MEENY-MINEY-MO"...

Tom Vickers