FRANKENWOMAN...IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!
frankenwoman!
SUGAR AND SPICE AND...
HELLO GENTLE READERS,
I've often, in idle moments, conjured up the perfect woman. I'm sure the ladies have done the same with men. Anyway, take J- lo's butt, Carmen Diaz' legs, Goldie Hawn's laugh, Madame Curie's brain, any Hooters' waitress' boobs...You get the idea. As an exercise in horror, I've decided to "reverse engieer" this process and come up with the least desirable woman. Brrrr! Here goes:
1. Barbara Streisand's nose.
2. Courtney Love's sense of moderation.
3. Paris Hilton's purpose in life.
4. Brittney Spears' parenting skills.
5. Roseanne Barr's figure.
6. Yoko Ono's singing voice.
7. Cher's Plastic Surgery tab.
8. Joan Rivers' voice.
9. Grace Slick's booze capacity.
10. Martha Stewart's prison record.
11. Barbara Wa-Wa's diction.
12. Mati Hari's honesty.
13. Liz Taylor's capacity for committment.
14. MotherTeresa's sex drive.
15. Heidi Fleiss' phone bill.
16. Hillary Clinton's judgement.
Whew! I know I could take this further but, I'm getting a little spooked. Feel free to add to the list.
Tom Vickers
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mikelclassen on
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Debby Harry's face, she has all the appeal of Keith Richards in drag. Nicole Ritchie's anorhexia, at least you don't have to feed her. Ivana Trump's accent, she'd make you feel like you were being interrogated by the KGB. |
