Fully Caffeinated? (Alas, Poor Starbuck's...I Knew Thee Well)
HELLO GENTLE READERS,
I try to take good care of my health. I had a heart attack about 4 years ago and it awakened me to the limits of my body.
To initiate the needed lifestyle changes, my Cardiologist gave me a 967 page brochure (along with a $723.00 monthly pharmacy bill) outlining the do's and don'ts for a heart patient. Most of the info wasn't surprising: don't smoke, don't drink to excess, learn to relax (ooom-ooom, I'm taking a meditation break-be right back). Wow! I feel better already. Where was I? Oh, yeah- the cardiac stuff. It advised me not to eat anything with fur, lungs, hooves, claws, toenails, gills, feathers, faces, arms or legs. I now tip the scales at about 18 pounds!
Then, there it was! On page 834 it said, "Cut Down On Coffee Consumption"! Terror filled my diseased heart. I've been "fully-caffeinated" since the age of 16. I haven't slept in years. Starbuck's E-mails me any menu changes. Folgers sends me Christmas cards. Dunk'n'Donuts' employees worship the ground I walk on. Cut down on coffee consumption? Woe is me!
What's left? Ok, there's sex! God, I love a good cup of coffee after sex, don't you?
Tom Vickers
Leave a Comment
mikelclassen on
I love a cup of coffee after EVERYTHING! If I ever have to give a blood transfusion, they'll have to sedate the patient to get them to lie still.
yogamommy on
yeah, who needs a cup when you can just drink it right out of the pot! Can't believe I never thought of that!! damn it i just slammed 10 hersheys kisses!!!!!!
jenwhy on
I 'accidently' ended up cutting down on coffee and smoking because A) the coffee made by my office in the break room is outstandingly horrendous and B) my old roommate didn't like smoking in our 43rd floor apartment and I was too lazy to take the elevator down.
