Memorial Signs (Where's Mine?)

HELLO GENTLE READERS:

Have you ever been driving along, all road-zoned, briefly break out of your trance, and seen a sign such as "Zilford C. Scuzzy Memorial Bridge"?

I wonder who gets to choose those "Memorialized"? Who are these people? How do you get chosen? Is there a test, a lottery or a "paper-rock-scissors" contest? Is there an application or vetting process? Are campaign contributions or bribes required? Are the names drawn from a hat at the strike of 12:00? Do elves choose them after they've cobbled our shoes at night? Does anybody know? It's a mystery on par with the shelf-life of a Pop tart!

Some choices can be easily understood. Presidents, War Heros, Governors or even Elvis, but, who are the rest of these guys?

I want one! Not an Interstate sign, though. Nobody reads those. I want a great big ol' bridge sign. Everybody reads those. If not a bridge, then a curvy, secondary road sign. If you don't read one of those, you car will wear it. Well, as long as it's noticed.

Now you may think my desire for a "Memorial Sign" is a little morbid. Not so fast, gentle readers! About 20 miles from where I live is the "ROBERT C. BYRD MEMORIAL HIGHWAY" sign. Bob Byrd, an old family friend, is the sitting, Senior Senator from the great state of West Virginia. We may let the dead vote in WV, but, we usualy discourage them from running for office. We leave that for Missouri.

As far as I know he's still dazzling them in the Senate Chamber with Ancient Roman History analagies. Bob's about 2,500 years old; these may be childhood memories. Have you seen him on CSPAN lately? All propped by his staff. Hmmmm. ROBERT . BYRD MEMORIAL HIGHWAY? Cancel my sign order!

Tom Vickers