Handicraft Porn! (Is Martha Stewart Housebroken?)
HELLO GENTLE READERS,
Have you ever been in a Michael's Craftstore? It's like a Wal Mart-sized craft emporium. Wall to wall styrofoam. They have more shapes of styrofoam than Al Qaida has AK-47s! Of course they have other stuff too. Ya' gotta' have something to glue to the styrofoam. They have styrofoam angels, stars, Easter eggs, trees, balls, little boys and girls, cubes, triangles, ovals, trapezoids, squares, circles and rhomboids. Somebody is making things outta' this stuff.They might even give it to you and expect you to display it (at least seasonally).
Styrofoam isn't all they carry. They have wood carving kits, yarn, glitter, cloth, plastic flowers, more plastic flowers and children's stickers. Oh my, the stickers! They also carry flags; American flags, un-American flags, Pirate flags and Alma Mater flags (every school in America, I think)! And man, do they have the paint! They have enough craft paint to "dip" a gazillion 747s.
They carry enough glue to hold Martha Stewart's mouth shut (she just won't go away, will she?). I swear that woman has more lives than all the cats at Auntie Em's! It'll take a stake in the heart to kill that woman! They have "heart stakes" at Michael's!
I blame Martha for starting this "craft-craze"! It's Handicraft Porn, for goodness sakes! I guess Homemaker Porn wasn't enough fo Martha!
By the way, does Martha ever go to the toilet? Never, in one of her shows, have I heard her say, "Gotta' go pee! Be right back,"....and..Fade to a Michael's commercial. tomvickers@suddenlink.net
Have you ever been in a Michael's Craftstore? It's like a Wal Mart-sized craft emporium. Wall to wall styrofoam. They have more shapes of styrofoam than Al Qaida has AK-47s! Of course they have other stuff too. Ya' gotta' have something to glue to the styrofoam. They have styrofoam angels, stars, Easter eggs, trees, balls, little boys and girls, cubes, triangles, ovals, trapezoids, squares, circles and rhomboids. Somebody is making things outta' this stuff.They might even give it to you and expect you to display it (at least seasonally).
Styrofoam isn't all they carry. They have wood carving kits, yarn, glitter, cloth, plastic flowers, more plastic flowers and children's stickers. Oh my, the stickers! They also carry flags; American flags, un-American flags, Pirate flags and Alma Mater flags (every school in America, I think)! And man, do they have the paint! They have enough craft paint to "dip" a gazillion 747s.
They carry enough glue to hold Martha Stewart's mouth shut (she just won't go away, will she?). I swear that woman has more lives than all the cats at Auntie Em's! It'll take a stake in the heart to kill that woman! They have "heart stakes" at Michael's!
I blame Martha for starting this "craft-craze"! It's Handicraft Porn, for goodness sakes! I guess Homemaker Porn wasn't enough fo Martha!
By the way, does Martha ever go to the toilet? Never, in one of her shows, have I heard her say, "Gotta' go pee! Be right back,"....and..Fade to a Michael's commercial. tomvickers@suddenlink.net
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yogamommy on
good point, it seems people in tv land never need to relieve themselves. i am very curious to know how it became that you write so much about Martha.
