HELLO GENTLE READERS,

In the tradition and spirit of the U.S.O. shows for American G.I.'s, the Afghan people are not going to take a back seat to Bob Hope. Yes, the Afghan Spice Girls will perform for the troops.

Veiled, Hidden, Masked, Covered and Obscured Spice will present such hits as "Ban the Taliban", "Tough Shiite", "Dahli Lama or Osama?", and "Blue Suede Burka".

Inshalla, ya'll.

Tom and Laverna Vickers

P.S. Happy 4th to all and may God Bless our troops.

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Hey Kids!!! It's finally here, that new action figure for your G.I. Joe collection--JIHAD JOE. Yes, that famous Al Qaida terror master is now on the shelves. This awesome action figure comes complete with an AK-47, turbin, robe and a list of greivances against Western Civilization.

Don't be the last on your block to get one!

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

So, did ya' hear about the discovery of the 35000 year-old, Stone Age flute? Pretty amazing, huh? To think that our ancestors were actually expending calories making and playing a musical instrument when the basic knife of the time was made of flint or chert.

Wonder who made it? Oh my! This just in! Inscribed on the back of the vulture-bone flute is, "Property of Mick Jagger". One might have known; the original "rock" band was The Rolling Stone-Agers.

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

So, ya' think you've heard all of the theories on crop circles, eh? Aliens, Atlantians, odd wind vortices and pranksters have all had their moments. So, here's a new one for ya'. Wallabies. Wallabies? Yeah, wallabies. It seems that in Australia, wallabies are eating the flowers off of the commercial opium poppy flowers, getting stoned, hopping, happily one assumes, in circles in the fields. They are creating near perfect circles in the poppy fields.

Dude,  I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Let me preface this by saying I was not a Michael Jackson fan, but one must admit that like Elvis Presley and the Beatles, he made a huge mark on popular music. In some sense he brought rock-and-roll back to its African-American roots. From the little Michael Jackson of the late 60's to the pale, pinched, breathless, little girl-like Michael of Never-Never Land, he fascinated the world.

I'm not sure that any entertainer has ever, or will ever, eclipse Michael's weirdness. With his strange, surgically-altered appearance, his pet chimpanzee and some very odd sleep-overs, he kept himself a constant water cooler topic.

To quote F. Scott Fitzgerald,

"All Golden Lads and Lasses must,

As chimney sweeps, come to dust."

Bon Voyage, Michael,

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Hogwash, I say! Standing on our back porch I’ve taken dozens of pictures of the little feathered beasts suckling at our feeders. This morning I watched two little hummingbirds attack a fully grown cat. Then they seemed to turn on me. Have you ever heard a hummingbird fly? They sound like little Apache Helicoptors on a mission of war. And those beaks? Yikes!!! Little needles of death, I tell you! 

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

YEAH, WOW, HOT DAMN!! Finally we can order food in Nettie, WV without leaving our cars. Yes, it's here;  drive-thru service at the Fat Duck Surprise. The above-pictured event shows the very first Nettian, Billy Bob Armyboot, picking up an order of Kung Pau Chicken to take home to the family.

Early reports indicate that the service, while friendly, is somewhat slow.

In an unrelated story, the local wrecker service, Clem's Wrecker Service and Day Care Center, says that, " Business has never been better!"

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Whew! We're back home from northern Ohio. It is an interesting part of the country. By and large, it is farming country interspersed with medium-sized, industrial cities. The area around Mansfield, Ohio is "Amish" country.

The entire length of Ohio Route 250, between I-77 and Mansfield, Ohio is lined with charming little farming towns complete with hitching posts. On the way back we passed a number of Amish buggies and the thought occurred to me of how similar are the Al Qaida and Amish cultures. So, here are a few examples, but I'll leave it to you to connect the dots...

1. The men wear beards and hats.

2. The women always wear something on their heads.

3. Their preferred clothing is archaic.

4. Neither use the normal banking systems.

5. Both shun the 21st century.

6. Both talk funny.

7. Both of their value systems are centuries old.

8. You never see Osama Bin Laden and Weird Al Yankovich at the same time and place.

So, watch out for those suicide buggies, ya'll.

Tom and Laverna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Yesterday was my 56th birthday. We are in Mansfield, Ohio trying to help out LaVerna's uncle and aunt. He is having brain surgery Thursday and she just had major stomach surgery last Wednesday. In addition, there are ten kids from ages 2 to 16 and more cousins in attendance than can comfortably fit in a city bus.

Ok, so we decided to sneak away for a quiet birthday supper. Not knowing the town, we found an Applebees' and noticed it was really, really crowded. We did get a table right away and noticed several very pretty girls in green tee-shirts that read "Celebrity Server", and one beauty wearing a crown. We asked our waitress what was up the the hullabaloo and she informed us that the current Miss Ohio and the wanna-be Miss Ohio's were in there for a fund raiser.

LaVerna, being LaVerna, informed them that it was my birthday and would they sing Happy Birthday to me. "Of course," they said, in perfect ten-part harmony! So they did.

So, I had supper with a queen. Oh, it was also nice to have the pretty girls around, but I have supper with my queen every day!!

Tom Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Yamaha proudly introduces it's latest high-tech offering, The Redneck Riding Mower. It comes with a completely detached mower deck, four-wheel drive and a package of "Mailpouch Chewing Tobacco".

Old car on blocks, washing machine in front yard and rebel flag sold separately. Patent Pending.

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Good news guys!! Looking at women's boobs will help you live longer. I'm not making this up. Ah, so you don't believe me? Read on...

Thanks to LaVerna,  I may live forever!!!!!

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

In the too strange to be true department, a topless coffee shop (The Grandview Topless Coffee Shop) in Vassalborg, Maine, burned down. It's true, the baristas worked topless. I guess that gives new meaning to the phrase "hot coffee"! We're sure that the name "Grandview" was not by accident.

As the attached picture indicates, Starbucks seems to be offering just a bit more than a topless view!!

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

This just in…

Here in Ohio there is a long lost enclave of Scot relatives we found the other day. 

Actually, we drove past the courthouse on our way to visit my aunt in the hospital and noticed a lovely display of Scottish heritage. While passing, one of life’s biggest questions was answered for us.

You see, my uncle whom we are visiting is the “family genealogist”. He has dutifully traced our heritage to Clan Alpin way back in Scotland to the ocean crossing and ultimately to our Virginia and (now) West Virginia ancestry. It turns out my lineage goes back in what is now Nicholas County, WV about 9 or so generations and, in what is now West Virginia as a whole, about 13 generations.

Yep, a whole lot of Scottish pride lies in them there hills.

However, my uncle, a retired Air Force Captain and expert genealogist was never able to answer for us the age old question, “What DOES a Scotsman where beneath his kilt?”.

Low and behold, we drive to his new home in Richland County Ohio and finally got our answer…

NOTHING!!!

And that, our dear friends, exposes the Scot’s most closely held secret.

LaVerna and Tom Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

LaVerna and I had a wonderful honeymoon at a beautiful Bed & Breakfast on The New River, but it's good to be back home. We'll try to get caught up on reading the blogs we missed.

We did, however, get some disconcerting news when we got back. As many of you know, we still have a farm near Huntington, West Virginia. And on that farm we still have a number of items we need to move to our new place in Nettie.  Among those items was a Hot Tub. It was stolen this week. Well, perhaps it was just "borrowed". Nah, it was stolen.

Ya' know, it takes a little planning to steal a hot tub. It's not like you can effect a quick getaway. Ya' can't load the damn thing by yourself, it weighs too much. It won't fit in the trunk of a car, or even the bed of a pickup. So a trailer or flatbed truck was involved. It takes at least four or five very strong people to move it, let alone load it. A CONSPIRACY!!

So, if you see a flatbed truck with five or six burly, relaxed people with wet hair and swimming attire please contact---

Tom and LaVerna Vickers 

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Well, today is the day that LaVerna and I are getting married! At 1:15 pm we'll share a name. We've already been sharing our lives. So, with two teenagers, a grown daughter, a grandson, four horses, two dogs, two cats, three rabbits, uh, four rabbits, uh, sixteen rabbits.....

Anyway, so to you readers and writers, who have been so gracious, we wish you could be here with us in the beautiful mountains of Nicholas County, West Virginia.

Tom and LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

In spite of the recent increases in fuel prices, Amish Airlines has announced a new family-friendly policy of free flight for children under 12. 

Void where prohibited, first class excluded, offer not available in New Hampshire, Montana or Rhode Island. Coach adult ticket must be purchased prior to July 4, 2010.

Happy traveling.

Tom Vickers and LaVerna Huey